On Sunday, I watched my best friend get married to the love of her life.
It’s not my first time as a bridesmaid, and it won’t be the last – I’ve got two more dresses to buy in the next 6 months for other brides that I love dearly, one of whom I’ve known for 10 years and will probably cry for as well.. But I was not prepared to be so emotionally invested in a wedding that wasn’t my own. This particular time kicked me in the butt, HARD. Why? I don’t cry at weddings. I knew this wedding was coming. I’m still going to see her all the time because we work together, and she lives closer to me now in her new apartment. What pushed me over? All I know is when I saw Joy in her dress, I started to laugh, and then started to sob, and she had to hug me to help me hold it together.
I have known Joy and Jesse since the inception of their relationship. In fact, I like to tell people that I’m responsible for getting them together. After all, I let them ride in the backseat of my car to pick up pizza, which is where Jesse decided to ask her to prom (so I guess he’s really responsible, not me. But still!). Ever since then, I’ve loved them dearly, separately and as a unit. I began my own relationship just a few months later, and Joy and I have walked together through the highs and lows of adulthood, commitment and love for the past four years. She’s called me venting, I’ve cried in her car. We’ve laughed hysterically at awkward questions we have for one another that we have no problem addressing when no one’s around. We’ve mutually recognized the desperate need to chill out, and have run off to the beach to escape from life. We’ve encouraged each other through Christ. She’s patiently adjusted her plans to accommodate my convictions. I’ve prayed for her strength in hard times, even up to the day before the wedding when the caterer ran out of barbecue sauce and we had to go get it. I love this girl, and for a long time when I was younger, I was afraid I was never going to have a real best friend.
The thing about Joy is that she has always had my back, no matter the circumstances. College is a pretty scary set of years to charge through when you have no experience, and I’ve definitely had my downs. But during one of the downest downs I’ve ever had, I remember sitting on her couch with a bowl of chocolate ice cream in pathetic tears, the kind where you look like you were stung by a bee in your corneas. With my mouthful of chocolate, I apologized for talking so much, but she laughed. “Don’t apologize,” she told me. “I love hearing you vent. You need it. See, here’s the thing. You’re my best friend, so my job is to listen to you and be on YOUR side. I don’t always have to agree with you, but I’m definitely on your side.” I’ve never forgotten that, because having someone on your side at all times is a rare beauty. And it’s not that she’s in my fan club. Joy’s never been afraid to tell me when I’m wrong. But it’s always tempered with love, and I can handle that. Honesty is the best policy, and it keeps us close.
And now she’s married. My Maid of Honor speech went surprisingly well (except that I accidentally said that Joy is “probably” my best friend). I looked over at Jesse, who had a loopy smile plastered on his face since the start of the ceremony, and told him that if she was this good of a friend to me, she was going to be ten times the wife to him. Joy has got the love thing down. Her loyalty is unfaltering, even when she’s mad as heck (and I would know, because I’ve been there for most of her angry outbursts). This girl never says a word against her man, even when he’s messed up. No matter how hard she’s hurting, she manages to maintain her self-respect and still back him up through everything. She takes the wife thing pretty seriously. It’s her life now, and I admire it. During the ceremony, while Jesse mumbled through his vows with a lovestruck smile, Joy grinned like the most confident woman in the world and squeezed his hands as she practically recited her vows to him like a Broadway monologue. She was so excited to promise herself to him forever. But beyond that, she’s determined. It won’t all be roses and sunshine – she knows that. But Joy’s gonna do it anyway, because that’s just Joy.
God has used Joy to teach me a lot of necessary qualities that don’t come naturally to me. Joy has demonstrated patience, loyalty, understanding and forgiveness in ways that boggle my mind. And the latest lesson God has taught me, just through my best friend? The beauty of marriage.
She walked down the aisle with the biggest smile, and I regret to inform my readers that I sobbed again… like a baby. I feel better knowing that her sister and our other friend were doing the same thing. Actually, I think the whole bridesmaid team was in shambles at that point. But we had waited for this day for almost a year, and Joy was finally feelin’ the moment, and she was about to kiss her groom – FOR THE FIRST TIME. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, it’s possible to go four years through a relationship without kissing (and it goes without being said, without the big finale as well :P). I dunno how she resisted kissing, because I personally love kissing my David. Haha. (Actually I know for a fact that it drove her slowly insane…) But it was something Jesse felt convicted about spiritually, so for four years they kissed on the cheek. But when the pastor said to “Kiss the Bride,” Jesse laugh, took a breath, and then it was actually pretty perfect. We all wondered if he would miss, but he made it! The cheering was unstoppable. Then, when we were supposed to be taking pictures, they hilariously picked up her skirt and took off running behind the trees. Maybe he needed to tie his shoes or something…
“Praise the Lord” was the phrase of the day, and I couldn’t agree more. Joy and Jesse’s commitment reminded me that marriage is a gift, and a beautiful picture of unconditional love and sacrifice. In the book of Ephesians chapter 5, Wives are instructed to respect, honor and follow their husbands as the Church submits to Jesus Christ, and husbands are to lay down their lives and love their wives as Christ did for the Church. It’s a beautiful picture, and unfortunately there’s a lot of sin and pain in this world that distorts that and turns it ugly. But through Christ’s example of perfect love and the power He gives His followers, marriage can be redeemed, and be a lifelong learning process for the couple and a testimony to the world about TRUE love – sacrifice, forgiveness, commitment and codependency in the best of ways.
Thank You, God, for the people you put in my life to teach me how to look more like You. Thank You for valuing friendship enough to surround us with brothers and sisters in the Church, to keep us from being lonely and to build us up in You. Thank You for true love in its best form – not the feel-good Disney kind, but the real kind that challenges us to be better people and is the best human gift there is. Thank You, most of all, for Your love, which is infinitely deeper than anything we could grasp in this lifetime. Dear God, You are my Rock, my Salvation, my Comforter, my Protector. I adore You.
The Shoebox Papers. 